Relationships: Relationship Building & Management

Seven Secrets for Spirited Single Mothers

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

Although raising a child alone may not be ideal, it is an increasing reality. Some experts speculate that single moms now head half of all family homes. With the divorce rate around 50%, and more women making the choice to be single moms, they need positive role models, sound information and encouragement to make their home a stronghold of love to launch children into a lifetime of purpose and meaning. Successful Single Moms (SSM) have seven secrets for success:

1. Love is a Practice: SSM say I love you a lot, not only with words, but with actions and honesty. SSM show how to love life and do not traffic in self-pity. They honor their own dreams and those of the child. If the child wants to be a pilot, they get books from the library about planes, make paper planes and encourage the child's enthusiasm. Being a SSM is contagious.

2. Spirited Single Moms Grow Along with Their Children: They work hard on breaking destructive patterns from childhood. For example, if she grew up in a family of abuse, the SSM realizes she may be attracted to the wrong sort of friends and relationships, so she refuses to allow destructive people to become important in the lives of her children. Even if she struggles everyday with challenges, she learns to make positive life-affirming choices. If she has on-going problems with depression or anxiety she seeks help.

Read Linda's entire article Seven Secrets for Spirited Single Moms

Kindness in the Home

Paula Fellingham, our official Strenghtening Women and Families Expert

"Kindness is the single most important ingredient in a happy home." This is the conclusion from a family study completed by researchers Dr. Ivan F. Beutler, Dr. Thomas R. Lee and Dr. Wesley R. Burr. Kindness is a key to individual happiness and to family peace. Dr. Albert Schweitzer, a well-known humanitarian once said, "Kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate."

As I have met with hundreds of families, spoken to numerous groups about family issues, and critically observed families for decades, I have come to know that kindness is indeed a foundational part for a happy home. Without kindness, the money and the time we give our families is meaningless. Where there is no kindness, all attempts at family success are useless.

Kindness can be shown in many ways, every day. We have countless opportunities to show kindness in the home. I've heard it said in different ways but the message is always the same: little, frequent acts of kindness are appreciated far more than large material gifts given without affection. Simple words and deeds that show caring and concern for one another should be a part of the fabric of family life. When we treat one another as we would like to be treated, showing kindness and love, our acts of goodness will be noticed and imitated, creating habits of kindness and traditions of family love.

Some ways we can show kindness:

1. Speak gently, always being positive and lifting others. 
2. Help people with no thought of reward.
3. Overlook others' mistakes; have great patience with imperfections.

Read Paula's entire article How to Show Kindness in Your Home

Four Tips to Help Blended Family Problems

Paula Fellingham, our official Strenghthening Women and Families Expert

I often meet wonderful people at my seminars who ask excellent questions. Here's one of the questions, and four solutions I shared with Karen and Jim. "Do you have any tips to help us with our blended family?"

Here's the scene: For Karen it was the best of times, and the worst of times. She was newly married and loved Jim with all of her heart, yet he had two teenage daughters who were challenging, to say the least. Karen understood why the girls were insecure - after all they had been through - however they were so disobedient! As the new "Stepmom" it seemed she could do nothing right. The teenagers were always upset. What are some solutions for this new couple with new challenges?

Here are four solutions to help make their family life better:

1. Karen needs to share her concerns with Jim, her new husband and the girls' father. He needs to be actively involved in the problem-solving process.

2. United, Karen and Jim need to sit down with his daughters and calmly discuss the joys and the challenges of blending two families.

3. They need to all agree on family rules, consequences for disobedience to the rules, and then set goals for improvement. As a new family they are now a team.... and they need to discuss working together to achieve family goals.

Read Paula's entire article Four Tips for a Blended Family

Parents, Need Help Handling Teenagers' Curfews?

Paula Fellingham, our official Strengthening Women and Families Expert

Mom watched out the window - she was worried and angry. Eighteen year old Jared was late coming home, again. Just last week Mom had talked to Jared about his curfew, and she thought they had an understanding...midnight on weekends. It was 12:30 am, and he still wasn't home. Parent, when Jared does come home, what would you say to him?

When 18 year old Jared arrives home, after the agreed-upon curfew, parents need to be awake, and ready to discuss his disobedience kindly but firmly.

Since Mom was confused about whether there was a solid understanding of curfew time, that's the first order of business. Mom could say, "Jared, what it your understanding of the time you should be home?"

Read Paula's entire article How to Handle Curfews for Teenagers

How to Cope with Anxiety: Happiness Needs a Spark

Dr Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

An excerpt from Dr. Linda Miles book Frienship on Fire.

"Do not seek perfection in a changing world. Instead perfect your love." --Master Sengstan

Charlotte, a fifty-year-old housewife recovering from anxiety, described how good it felt to get a big whiff of the grass in her yard. Like many people who experience anxiety or panic, Charlotte could not enjoy the world around her. She often focused on fearful thoughts, which made things seem worse than they really were. She needed to learn hot cope with anxiety.

QUIET THE BEEHIVE IN YOUR HEAD
Small problems became huge and out of proportion to reality. The day when a small thing, like enjoying the smell of fresh cut grass, made the world real, she felt happy. Charlotte had begun to learn how to quiet the beehive in her head and live in the present. She became aware that she had stopped smelling the grass as a teenager when she had her first bout with anxiety. Charlotte's life changed as she learned to become aware of her surroundings and live in the present moment, and began to appreciate the small things in her life. She began taking yoga, listening to calm music, and learning meditation.

Read Linda's entire article How to Cope with Anxiety: Happiness Starts with a Spark

Six Solutions for Practically Perfect Parenting

Returning home loaded with bags of groceries, Suzanne winced as she walked in and heard all three of her children quarreling at the top of their lungs. Suzanne, instantly angry, yelled, "Why can't you kids go one hour without fighting? You don't deserve what I do for you! Go to your rooms - NOW!"

As she set the groceries down, Suzanne knew she hadn't handled that well, but didn't know what to do about it, and wasn't in the mood to fix it anyway.

Parenting is tricky business. Even on our best days we wonder if we're "doing it right."

Read Paula's entire article Six Solutions for Practically Perfect Parenting

Paula Fellingham, our official Strengthening Women and Families Expert

Happiness is a Choice

I remember the moment it happened. I was listening intently as the seminar presenter quoted Eleanor Roosevelt when she said, "No one can make me feel inferior without my consent." Immediately the power of those words sunk deep into my heart and I thought, "That's wonderful! That means no one can make me angry unless I allow it. And no one can offend me without my permission! That means . . . happiness is a choice!"
I decided right then and there to make conscious choices about how I respond to others and to my circumstances. I resolved, in that moment, to refuse to be offended by anyone.

Read Paula's entire article Happiness is a Choice

Paula Fellingham, our official Strengthening Women and Families

How to Handle Curfews for Teenagers

Mom watched out the window - she was worried and angry. Eighteen year old Jared was late coming home, again. Just last week Mom had talked to Jared about his curfew, and she thought they had an understanding...midnight on weekends. It was 12:30 am, and he still wasn't home. Parent, when Jared does come home, what would you say to him?

When 18 year old Jared arrives home, after the agreed-upon curfew, parents need to be awake, and ready to discuss his disobedience kindly but firmly.

Read Paula's entire article How to Handle Curfews for Teenagers

Paula Fellingham, our official Strengthening Women and Families Expert

Four Parenting Principles to Create Strong, Loving Families

I love helping young parents learn the principles that will help them create strong, loving families. I'd like to share four of these with you:

1. Kindness: Kind thoughts, kind words, kind tone of voice, and kind actions should be family goals. Mother Teresa said, "Spread love and kindness wherever you go. First of all in your own home. Show kindness to your husband or wife, to your children, to a next-door neighbor. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier." Frequent expressions of love, appreciation and admiration are heard in the homes of families raising kind, confident children.

Read Paula's entire article Four Parenting Principles to Create Strong, Loving Families

Paula Fellingham, our official Strengthening Women and Families Expert

 

Three Things Parents Should Tell Children Every Day

Do you remember holding your first baby for the first time? Were you struck, almost immediately, with an acute awareness of your infant's helplessness? I remember feeling incredibly humbled, and a little overwhelmed, by my new responsibility for the life of another human being. Although normal, for some of us those feelings don't diminish with time and experience.

I have seven children, living now in six states. My oldest son is serving as a Special Forces Medic in Afghanistan. These grown children are all successful, and living joyfully. They know how to love, laugh, and live well, in spite of the fact that each one has faced incredible obstacles in their lives.

Read Paula's entire article Three Things Parents Should Tell Children Every Day

Paula Fellingham, our official Strengthening Women and Families Expert