Relationships: Relationship Building & Management

EMPLOYER TO EMPLOYEE RELATIONSHIPS Don’t Bite the Hand that Feeds You

Guest blog by Tracey Jones of TremendousLifeBooks.com

Relationships are vital in all aspects of our lives—especially at work. Making these business associations strong and healthy is of the utmost important to our financial and personal happiness.  Let’s talk for a minute about how to make these mutually beneficial to you and your employer or clients.  

There is a marvelous quotation from Elbert Hubbard, author of As A Man Thinketh, that goes like this: 

“If you work for a man, for God’s sake, work for him.  If he pays you your bread and butter, think well of him; speak well of him.” 

Dogs have this all figured out. My dog, Mr. Blue, who wrote a book about leadership titled True Blue Leadership: Top 10 Tricks of the Chief Motivational Hound, knows and understands this well. Mr. Blue  says, 

“Personally, I have never been able to grasp where ‘biting the hand that feeds you’ even originated.  I may lick, nudge, drool on, lie on, and worship the hand that fees me, but I would never dream of biting it!!  Do humans really do this awful thing? Trying to comprehend it makes me turn my head sideways; ruff said!” 

Dogs understand where their substance comes from. Why do we humans have such a hard time with it?  If you are drawing a paycheck, at the very minimum perform the tasks you are getting paid for without back biting or complaining. If you’re a business owner and are paid to serve your clients—serve them without gossip or complaint.  Fill their needs, solve their problems, but don’t discuss with others what you see as their weaknesses or flaws. 

Mr. Blue continues on this thought: “Call me simple but not only is the hand the source

of nourishment for a domesticated dog such as myself, but it is un-doglike to betray in any form one who is currently giving me anything which I am accepting.” 

Make your work relationships great by giving your employer and/or clients your very best, always. 

For an interview with Mr. Blue, Tracey Jones, or for more information about True Blue Leadership: Top 10 Tricks of the Chief Motivational Hound, see www.tremendouslifebooks.com or call 800-233-2665

 

Relationship Vows

Over forty years as a marriage and family therapist, I have had the privilege of learning from my clients. I have had the opportunity to observe and study what makes lasting love. The below list identifies the kind of vows and commitment statements that lead to happy and lasting unions.

* We will provide safety to be honest and true to ourselves
* We will choose love instead of fear and attack thoughts
* We will treasure our connection and maintain an open heart to one another
* We will treasure our children and grandchildren
* We will be there when our family needs us

Read Dr. Miles' entire article Relationship Vows

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

Controlling Spouse and Financial Empowerment - Access vs. Control

Have you ever noticed how controlling people enjoy using money to control their loved ones? It's as though they like the roll of "dolling out the cash," all awhile knowing how it inspires financial dependency.

And those on the receiving end both love and hate it. They like their access to money dolled out, but hate the "waiting" period just before the allowance is due. They don't like the vulnerability that they experience in themselves, knowing that their access to funds is truly out of their hands.

The Lessons Learned through Financial Dependency

Now the irony here in relationships characterized by this dynamic of financial dependency is that neither party is really happy. The financially dependent person suffers from their lack of autonomy and self-sufficiency.

Read Dr. King's entire article Controlling Spouse and Financial Empowerment - Access vs. Control

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Relationship Exercises for Couples

On a piece of paper, in a notebook or in your journal answer the following series of questions. Do this to learn about yourself and your relationship, but you can also suggest that your partner do the same. You can do this on a yearly basis, say January 1st every year.

Exercise Number 1

Do you recall the beginning of your relationship, when you first fell in love?

Describe your behavior.

Read Dr. Miles entire article Relationship Exercises for Couples

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

Friend's Abusive Relationship - How You Can Help Your Friend in an Abusive Relationship

When you are the friend of someone in an abusive relationship, stop and hold reverence for the blessing that you are. Why? You are the best person to help; that is, until you can get her/him to professional help.

We find when friends of domestic abuse survivors reach out on their friend's behalf, they are in the best position to create a positive outcome for the person being abused.

First of all, friends that still have access to domestic abuse survivors have the best leveraging ability . . . certainly more leveraging than parents of the abused.

Read Dr. King's entire article Friend's Abusive Relationship - How You Can Help Your Friend in an Abusive Relationship

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Six Solutions for Practically Perfect Parenting

Returning home loaded with bags of groceries, Suzanne winced as she walked in and heard all three of her children quarreling at the top of their lungs. Suzanne, instantly angry, yelled, "Why can't you kids go one hour without fighting? You don't deserve what I do for you! Go to your rooms - NOW!"

As she set the groceries down, Suzanne knew she hadn't handled that well, but didn't know what to do about it, and wasn't in the mood to fix it anyway.

Parenting is tricky business. Even on our best days we wonder if we're "doing it right."

Read Paula's entire article Six Solutions for Practically Perfect Parenting

Paula Fellingham, our official Strengthening Women and Families Expert

Relationship Vows

Over forty years as a marriage and family therapist, I have had the privilege of learning from my clients. I have had the opportunity to observe and study what makes lasting love. The below list identifies the kind of vows and commitment statements that lead to happy and lasting unions.

* We will provide safety to be honest and true to ourselves
* We will choose love instead of fear and attack thoughts
* We will treasure our connection and maintain an open heart to one another
* We will treasure our children and grandchildren
* We will be there when our family needs us

Read Dr. Miles' entire article Relationship Vows

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

Upgrading Your Relationship is Up To You

Guest blog by Tracey C. Jones, President of Tremendous Life Books 

I recently flew on a commercial flight from Pennsylvania to Texas.  On the flight, I was thrilled to receive an upgrade to first class. What a treat! More leg room, better treats, and deep relaxation (for a flight, anyway). Upgrades are always welcomed. 

Do you desire an upgrade in your relationship? Many people these days desire more fulfillment, better communication and deeper commitment. And they generally place the deficiencies in these areas on their partner’s shortcomings.  But take a look at yourself. Maybe it’s your fault things aren’t as peachy as they could be. 

In Stephen R. Covey’s classic book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he states, “Habit 1 says, ‘You are the programmer (of your life). Habit 2 says, ‘Write the program.’” 

Are you taking the initiative to actually program your life and the direction your relationships will take or are you letting false programming, bad habits or preconceived ideas take the lead in governing your thoughts and actions? 

Covey says, “If we live life out of our own instincts and conditioning and conditions, out of our collective memory, we will be limited.” Our relationships will suffer. He continues, “The extent to which we exercise and develop these endowments empowers us to fulfill our uniquely human potential.  Between stimulus and response is our greatest power—the freedom to choose.” 

Upgrade your relationship by choosing to write your own program. You’re the pilot of your vessel. Collective memory is a poor captain and preconceived ideas—a terrible steward. You’re the programmer. Write the program. 

Find Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and many more classic titles at Tremendous Life Books, a premier publisher of over 350 titles in motivation, personal growth and sales.

Healing for Verbal and Emotional Abuse: 3 Secrets to Effective Affirmations

Affirmations, affirmations, affirmations. We've heard how important they are to the engineering of one's life. We've heard how essential they are to manifesting one's desires. Why do they work at times and fail to be realized at other times?

I believe it has more to do with how the affirmation is played in your mind's eye that causes it to work or not...that causes the thought to transform into action/creation or not.

If you are a domestic abuse survivor you will want to know this little secret about the proper way to use affirmations to regain your emotional well-being after an abusive relationship.

Read Dr. King's entire article Healing for Verbal and Emotional Abuse: 3 Secrets to Effective Affirmations

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Business Relationships: Don't Burn Bridges

Guest Blog from Tracey Jones, President of Tremendous Life Books.

In business relationships, don’t burn bridges.  

Let’s think about that analogy. A bridge is a pathway that leads us over an obstacle, right?  Sometimes, once we’ve gotten our use from the path—a relationship—especially if we weren’t particularly fond of it, we burn it. We think we’ll never need it again, use it again, want it again…and we destroy it. And not just with a hammer or saw, we do irrepreable damage. We turn it to ashes. 

But is this wise? What if we forgot our wallet on the other side? What if someone we love needs the bridge later?   

My dog, Mr. Blue, taught me about this principle.  He grew up supping at the knee of many great speakers and trainers, like Ken Blanchard and Zig Ziglar. They were his grandpaw’s pals. 

Blue says,“If you leave a playground because you have found another opportunity or the lead dogs have asked you to go, keep it professional. Don’t bark anything that you haven’t previously brought to the other’s attention. That’s just puppyish and not reflective of the big dog that you are. Definitely keep it above the collar. You never know when you might get called back to play or have a potential chum contact a previous one, to see if you’re worthy of his consideration.  Barking trash about anyone is a poor way to make an exit.”  

Relationships are everything in business. Don’t burn the path that you or someone you care about may desperately need again someday. Building your network is not done overnight, but destroying it can be. Read more from Blue here.