Relationships: Relationship Building & Management

Communication in Marriage - Eliminating Judgments and Fulfilling Needs The Abuse Therapy

"Let me tell you how defective you are" is a strategy that will yield a disconnection. Whereas, "here is what I need from you" lends itself to connection, communion and communication in marriage.

In domestic abuse counseling, couples find that the former is a relationship compromiser and the latter is a relationship enhancer. And learning this lesson is transformational to the individuals, as well as to the relationship.

Read Dr. King's entire article Communication in Marriage - Eliminating Judgments and Fulfilling Needs The Abuse Therapy

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Controlling Relationships - Who Controls the Focus of Your Attention?

As long as you have blood running through your veins, you own the right to make executive decisions about where you place your attention. Did you know that? If you are or have been in an abusive relationship, you might be saying, "Really?"

When in an abusive relationship, we become accustomed to others telling us where to focus our attention, how to fix our problems and how to...exist. It's the nature of the beast.

And we are conditioned to believe that we need that direction. But..."Is it true? Does it support your highest good?

Read Dr. King's entire article Controlling Relationships - Who Controls the Focus of Your Attention?

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Domestic Abuse Therapy: When Marital Therapy Helps and When It Hurts

There is a lot of confusion over whether marital/couples therapy will help couples in abusive relationships.

You may have heard that marital therapy is not the proper modality for domestic abuse. Even stronger, you may realize that marital therapy is actually contra-indicated in the treatment of intimate partner abuse.

Then, you may also realize that some couples who deal with abusive control issues in their relationship can learn to develop new skills to facilitate their use of non-violent and non-abusive behavioral responses with their intimate partner.

Read Dr. King's entire article Domestic Abuse Therapy: When Marital Therapy Helps and When It Hurts

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Controlling People - How to Deal with Someone Who Always Tells You That You're Wrong

How do you deal with someone who is verbally abusive and tells you that you are always wrong? This is a good question and a concern shared by many men and women.

Have you ever noticed that some people will always come out "right" no matter what the exchange is regarding? And in order for them to hold this position, you are assigned the position of being "wrong" irrespective of actual facts.

Now it happens that these folks who always need to be right are merely seeking control.

Read Dr. King's entire article Controlling People - How to Deal with Someone Who Always Tells You That You're Wrong

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships expert

Abusive Relationships - 6 Personal Questions that Show You the Signs of an Abusive Relationship

It's no secret that we see what we project. And when it comes to partner abuse, doing so can have repercussions for all of us.

Prior abuse in one's life can set the stage for misinterpretations of our adult partner's actions, intentions, feelings and relationship to us.

Now this doesn't mean that when one comes from some type of childhood abuse that perceived intimate partner abuse, or even "controlling" behavior, isn't real. As we also know there is a greater likelihood of prior childhood abuse (whether emotional, verbal, physical or sexual) for individuals in adult abusive relationships.

Read Dr. King's entire article Abusive Relationships - 6 Personal Questions that Show You the Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Abusive Relationship Signs - Unilateral Decision Making in Abusive Relationships

"When I tell you 'no,' you wear me down until I tell you 'yes.' And then I wonder what I'm doing with you, because deep down inside I know I'm not happy." Sound familiar?

Domestic violence survivors tell me that they frequently have no say in couple's decisions. Instead, they have a routine charade of "getting her consent" when the fact is what she really does is give up on holding her own.

One-Way Decisions in Abusive Relationships

The push-pull becomes so unpleasant that pursuing her wishes costs more in turmoil than not having her wishes fulfilled in the first place. She becomes practiced in the path of least resistance.

Read Dr. King's entire article Abusive Relationship Signs - Unilateral Decision Making in Abusive Relationships

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.,  our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Emotionally Abusive Relationship - 3 Keys to Freeing Yourself from Emotional Abuse

A psychologist in India recently asked me to write about the following -- How can a woman, one without access to professional help, take steps towards freeing herself from an emotionally abusive relationship?

As I think about this question, I realize that this was the inspiration for my writing in the first place. I wanted to reach battered women who requested, but could not afford, my professional services.

In my writings over the last three years, I have focused on the psychology of relationship violence. There are a number of important learning steps to freeing yourself from emotional abuse...

Read Dr. King's entire article Emotionally Abusive Relationship - 3 Keys to Freeing Yourself from Emotional Abuse

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Psychological Abuse - 3 Secrets to Saving Your Sanity in Domestic Abuse Divorce

A common threat to battered women in divorce proceedings is their perpetrator's use of psychology to officially, yet improperly, establish that they are mentally ill. And all too often, these domestic violence survivors sit back and do nothing to prevent this from happening.

They are flooded with the mental/emotional assault and, like a deer caught in headlights, show startle...sever startle that is in many cases paralyzing and debilitating.

If you are a domestic abuse survivor and you suspect that you are being set up to be backed into wearing a psychiatric label that is being established to discredit, silence, contain or punish you, what would you do?

Read Dr. King's entire article Psychological Abuse - 3 Secrets to Saving Your Sanity in Domestic Abuse Divorce

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Spousal Emotional Abuse - How to Break the Cycle of Emotional Psychological Abuse

Emotional psychological abuse from your intimate partner is as clear as the day is long when on the receiving end. But for the bystanders, it's ambiguous.

Some people will even tell you that when you are the abused, on some level, you become a bystander. It is as though you take yourself out of the line of fire simply to survive the blows of spousal emotional abuse . . . and ultimately exist.

You hate being hated. Your tire of being told how inadequate you are, how you are lacking...deficient...defective. You grow to expect darts in your own home and recoil in anticipation.

Read Dr. King's entire article Spousal Emotional Abuse - How to Break the Cycle of Emotional Psychological Abuse

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Healing from Psychological Abuse: The Truth about Your Thoughts and Finding Your Peace

The mental and emotional baggage we bring with us following an abusive relationship can be as disturbing as the relationship itself. What can you do to relieve yourself of the consequence of destructive mental chatter, or a relentless thought that colors your day and brings you down or spirals you into states of anguish?

Mental-Emotional-Physical States

We know from psycho-physiology that a thought in the cortex triggers a limbic (emotional brain) hypothalamic-pituitary response, which merely causes specific glandular reactions and subsequent body system effects to occur.

Read Dr. King's entire article Healing from Psychological Abuse: The Truth about Your Thoughts and Finding Your Peace

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert