Relationships: Relationship Building & Management

Seven Secrets for Spirited Single Mothers

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

Although raising a child alone may not be ideal, it is an increasing reality. Some experts speculate that single moms now head half of all family homes. With the divorce rate around 50%, and more women making the choice to be single moms, they need positive role models, sound information and encouragement to make their home a stronghold of love to launch children into a lifetime of purpose and meaning. Successful Single Moms (SSM) have seven secrets for success:

1. Love is a Practice: SSM say I love you a lot, not only with words, but with actions and honesty. SSM show how to love life and do not traffic in self-pity. They honor their own dreams and those of the child. If the child wants to be a pilot, they get books from the library about planes, make paper planes and encourage the child's enthusiasm. Being a SSM is contagious.

2. Spirited Single Moms Grow Along with Their Children: They work hard on breaking destructive patterns from childhood. For example, if she grew up in a family of abuse, the SSM realizes she may be attracted to the wrong sort of friends and relationships, so she refuses to allow destructive people to become important in the lives of her children. Even if she struggles everyday with challenges, she learns to make positive life-affirming choices. If she has on-going problems with depression or anxiety she seeks help.

Read Linda's entire article Seven Secrets for Spirited Single Moms

Verbal Abuse In Marriage - It's Cognitive Dissidence and A Verbal Attack

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D, our official Abusive Relationships Expert

"Why do I believe what he has shouted at me over the years...even though a part of me knows it not to be true?" Men and women alike ask this question, again and again. Sound familiar to you?Imagine going about your day and all being relatively well. Then out of the blue your partner steps in and hits you with a verbal rant about how you are such____ and such____. And your being so is responsible for his/her disastrous predicament. It's all your fault!

Now here's the issue. This image happens routinely--weekly, monthly, year after year. What might this do to you or to anyone in these shoes?

Verbal Abuse Language, Belief and Feeling

Over time the piercing words work their way into your subconscious, and you hear them in the absence of your abusive partner. It's as though this little voice picks up where he/she left off, carrying on the negative tune. You hear it over and over again.

So, you experience the toxic message from the inside out and outside in. Yet, you know on a deeper level that this message is garbage. It simply is not true. From here you are torn as the cognitive dissidence soars.

Read Jeanne's entire article Why Do You Believe the Verbal Abuse In Marriage? - Cognitive Dissidence and The Verbal Attack

Kindness in the Home

Paula Fellingham, our official Strenghtening Women and Families Expert

"Kindness is the single most important ingredient in a happy home." This is the conclusion from a family study completed by researchers Dr. Ivan F. Beutler, Dr. Thomas R. Lee and Dr. Wesley R. Burr. Kindness is a key to individual happiness and to family peace. Dr. Albert Schweitzer, a well-known humanitarian once said, "Kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate."

As I have met with hundreds of families, spoken to numerous groups about family issues, and critically observed families for decades, I have come to know that kindness is indeed a foundational part for a happy home. Without kindness, the money and the time we give our families is meaningless. Where there is no kindness, all attempts at family success are useless.

Kindness can be shown in many ways, every day. We have countless opportunities to show kindness in the home. I've heard it said in different ways but the message is always the same: little, frequent acts of kindness are appreciated far more than large material gifts given without affection. Simple words and deeds that show caring and concern for one another should be a part of the fabric of family life. When we treat one another as we would like to be treated, showing kindness and love, our acts of goodness will be noticed and imitated, creating habits of kindness and traditions of family love.

Some ways we can show kindness:

1. Speak gently, always being positive and lifting others. 
2. Help people with no thought of reward.
3. Overlook others' mistakes; have great patience with imperfections.

Read Paula's entire article How to Show Kindness in Your Home