Relationships: Relationship Building & Management

Relationship Vows

Over forty years as a marriage and family therapist, I have had the privilege of learning from my clients. I have had the opportunity to observe and study what makes lasting love. The below list identifies the kind of vows and commitment statements that lead to happy and lasting unions.

* We will provide safety to be honest and true to ourselves
* We will choose love instead of fear and attack thoughts
* We will treasure our connection and maintain an open heart to one another
* We will treasure our children and grandchildren
* We will be there when our family needs us

Read Dr. Miles' entire article Relationship Vows

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

Upgrading Your Relationship is Up To You

Guest blog by Tracey C. Jones, President of Tremendous Life Books 

I recently flew on a commercial flight from Pennsylvania to Texas.  On the flight, I was thrilled to receive an upgrade to first class. What a treat! More leg room, better treats, and deep relaxation (for a flight, anyway). Upgrades are always welcomed. 

Do you desire an upgrade in your relationship? Many people these days desire more fulfillment, better communication and deeper commitment. And they generally place the deficiencies in these areas on their partner’s shortcomings.  But take a look at yourself. Maybe it’s your fault things aren’t as peachy as they could be. 

In Stephen R. Covey’s classic book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he states, “Habit 1 says, ‘You are the programmer (of your life). Habit 2 says, ‘Write the program.’” 

Are you taking the initiative to actually program your life and the direction your relationships will take or are you letting false programming, bad habits or preconceived ideas take the lead in governing your thoughts and actions? 

Covey says, “If we live life out of our own instincts and conditioning and conditions, out of our collective memory, we will be limited.” Our relationships will suffer. He continues, “The extent to which we exercise and develop these endowments empowers us to fulfill our uniquely human potential.  Between stimulus and response is our greatest power—the freedom to choose.” 

Upgrade your relationship by choosing to write your own program. You’re the pilot of your vessel. Collective memory is a poor captain and preconceived ideas—a terrible steward. You’re the programmer. Write the program. 

Find Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and many more classic titles at Tremendous Life Books, a premier publisher of over 350 titles in motivation, personal growth and sales.

Healing for Verbal and Emotional Abuse: 3 Secrets to Effective Affirmations

Affirmations, affirmations, affirmations. We've heard how important they are to the engineering of one's life. We've heard how essential they are to manifesting one's desires. Why do they work at times and fail to be realized at other times?

I believe it has more to do with how the affirmation is played in your mind's eye that causes it to work or not...that causes the thought to transform into action/creation or not.

If you are a domestic abuse survivor you will want to know this little secret about the proper way to use affirmations to regain your emotional well-being after an abusive relationship.

Read Dr. King's entire article Healing for Verbal and Emotional Abuse: 3 Secrets to Effective Affirmations

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Business Relationships: Don't Burn Bridges

Guest Blog from Tracey Jones, President of Tremendous Life Books.

In business relationships, don’t burn bridges.  

Let’s think about that analogy. A bridge is a pathway that leads us over an obstacle, right?  Sometimes, once we’ve gotten our use from the path—a relationship—especially if we weren’t particularly fond of it, we burn it. We think we’ll never need it again, use it again, want it again…and we destroy it. And not just with a hammer or saw, we do irrepreable damage. We turn it to ashes. 

But is this wise? What if we forgot our wallet on the other side? What if someone we love needs the bridge later?   

My dog, Mr. Blue, taught me about this principle.  He grew up supping at the knee of many great speakers and trainers, like Ken Blanchard and Zig Ziglar. They were his grandpaw’s pals. 

Blue says,“If you leave a playground because you have found another opportunity or the lead dogs have asked you to go, keep it professional. Don’t bark anything that you haven’t previously brought to the other’s attention. That’s just puppyish and not reflective of the big dog that you are. Definitely keep it above the collar. You never know when you might get called back to play or have a potential chum contact a previous one, to see if you’re worthy of his consideration.  Barking trash about anyone is a poor way to make an exit.”  

Relationships are everything in business. Don’t burn the path that you or someone you care about may desperately need again someday. Building your network is not done overnight, but destroying it can be. Read more from Blue here. 

 

Controlling Relationships and the Look of Anticipated Conquest

Why do controlling people look and behave a lot like drug addicts just before they score? First, have you ever noticed that they do? I have.

I see this in peoples' intimate relationships and in their family relationships. In fact, when I observe it, it becomes diagnostic of a "controlling relationship."

It's very much about the conquest...the accomplishment...obtaining what one is seeking.

Read Dr. King's entire article Controlling Relationships and the Look of Anticipated Conquest

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.d., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Friendship on Fire: Hot Is Not Enough

There are countless couples with hot chemistry who cannot face challenges of daily life together. Fire is not limited to the erotic beginnings of a relationship and, without a foundation of friendship, it can burn out.

I recall a mom who was very distressed when her seventeen-year-old daughter fell for a handsome and charming boy who sold drugs at school. It turned out to be a great lesson for the teenager about what it was like with someone so undependable. HOT WAS NOT ENOUGH. However, past relationships that you consider failures may have helped prepare you for Friendship on Fire.

Read Dr. Miles entire article Friendship on Fire: Hot Is Not Enough

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

What Is Leadership? Mr. Blue the Dog Tells Us All About It

Guest blogger, Tracey Jones, President of Tremendous Life Books, talks about leadership and her dog Mr. Blue's new book on the subject.

My father passed away in 2008. Thus ended on earth one of the most important relationships of my life. Dad was my confidant, my cheerleader, and my example.  He was also the world-renound speaker named Charlie "Tremendous" Jones. He loved books.  He collected them, wrote them, and gave them away.

As I was growing up, my father emphasized that we all have an obligation to lead at something. He said leaders are born, not made, and that reading transformative material is one of the quickest ways to be made into a leader.   He also taught me that while leadership can be tremendously rewarding, it can be unbelievably lonely.  

Well, later in life, I became a leader. And, like Dad said, was lonely many times. But as the saying goes, if you need a friend, get a dog.  I can think of nothing more true.  Those of you who have come home with your proverbial tail bewteen your legs and have seen the sheer joy of your dog when you enter the room know the impact that these creatures can have on restoring our spirits after a tough day at the office.  My relationship with Mr. Blue was a life-line.

Over the years, Mr. Blue has learned a lot about leadership and now I'm proud to announce the release of his new book, True Blue Leadership: Top 10 Tricks from the Chief Motivational Hound.