It is difficult to become a good listener who both validates the pain of the other, while maintaining the ability to look at themselves. Each person must listen compassionately to themselves and each other. Within many relationships, rather than engaging in compassionate listening, many couples polarize. One partner is the voice of reason, the head, while the other partner is the voice of emotion, the heart. These patterns often create communication problems, which hardly begins to touch on the angst that can be felt between couples.
While, listening with both our hearts and our heads is valuable, neither is complete by itself, because listening with both makes one complete person. Someone who uses just their head while listening is using their intellect and knowledge, and when used individually, without the hearts part, it can be cold and indifferent. When listening with just the heart compassion turns into confused feelings.
Read Dr. Miles' entire article Skills of Listening: Are You a Compassionate Listener?
Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert
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