Relationships: Relationship Building & Management

Controlling Behavior - The 4 Ways an Abuser Controls His/Her Victim

Abuse is fundamentally about control. Violence may be a manifestation of relationship abuse, but domestic abuse is really about control. And the perpetrator can't bear to be out of control. When perpetrators feel they are losing control, their means to exercise control escalates.

What are the primary ways an abuser controls his/her victim:

1) Always being right The abuser truly believes in one perspective: his/her own. They are always right, therefore making you wrong when there is a difference between your perspective and theirs. They hold their power in having the final say . . . having their way.

Read Dr. King's entire article Controlling Behavior - The 4 Ways an Abuser Controls His/Her Victim

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Women Entrepreneurs -- Time to Take The Plunge

There are more women entrepreneurs in today's United States than there have ever been, but until the recent worldwide financial crisis, it was still a different set of rules for women than for men. Can women entrepreneurs come out of the global recession having reset those rules? Absolutely!

Before the onset of this economic breakdown, women entrepreneurs in general began their business with less funding, fewer resources, fewer mentors and less reliable suppliers. In truth, women began their businesses with less of everything but vision and drive. They were diving in from the lower board while their male counterparts lined up at the high dive. While the world picks itself up and dusts itself off from the collapse of the world markets, women can be using this recovery time to take a place in the high-dive line!

Read Bonnie's entire article Women Entrepreneurs -- Time to Take The Plunge

Bonnie Ross-Parker, our official Networking Expert

The Essential Keys to Healing Verbal Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships

 "I need to tell you that you're not okay, because deep inside I'm not okay." This understanding is essential to healing verbal emotional abuse in intimate relationships.

If you live in an abusive relationship, you know this unspoken interaction message like the back of your hand. What you and your partner may not be aware of is that the "put-downs" so freely delivered spring forward from a place of vulnerability, not power.

Even so, the impact of these little dirty emotionally abusive darts hurt. And that psychological pain builds over the months and years with more and more layers of blows.

Read Dr. King's entire article The Essential Keys to Healing Verbal Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Who is a Compassionate Listener?

It is difficult to become a good listener who both validates the pain of the other, while maintaining the ability to look at themselves. Each person must listen compassionately to themselves and each other.

Within many relationships, rather than engaging in compassionate listening, many couples polarize. One partner is the voice of reason, the head, while the other partner is the voice of emotion, the heart. These patterns often create communication problems, which hardly begins to touch on the angst that can be felt between couples.

While, listening with both our hearts and our heads is valuable, neither is complete by itself, because listening with both makes one complete person. Someone who uses just their head while listening is using their intellect and knowledge, and when used individually, without the hearts part, it can be cold and indifferent. When listening with just the heart compassion turns into confused feelings.

Read Dr. Miles' entire article Who is a Compassionate Listener?

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert

Battered Women in Divorce Court -- 5 Lessons to Overcome Abuse and Divorce

I'm frequently approached by people who say they want to help battered women in divorce court struggling over the threat of losing custody of their children.

These people have the purest of intentions. What they may be missing is the plan.

I hear things like:

a) We need to increase awareness about the failings of the system. Or,

b) We need to help these women recover from the abuse of the courts and the transgressions of the court agents.

Read Dr. King's entire article Battered Women in Divorce Court -- 5 Lessons to Overcome Abuse and Divorce

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., our official Abusive Relationships Expert

Learning The Skills To Be An Extra-Ordinary Connector

Learning The Skills To Be An Extra-Ordinary Connector

"Ten Definitive Ways to Succeed at Networking"

How long does it take to establish a relationship? There is no set answer, but it takes time! Your success will grow relative to how much time you're willing to invest.

1. Be a consistent participant.
2. Go to every event PREPARED . . . Cards are a must. Bring your address book/palm pilot as well in order to GIVE leads.
3. Trust and understanding build over time - participate often so members recognize you as a player.

4. Follow up with people you meet for whom the value of getting together is MUTUALLY beneficial.

5. The contacts you make at any event may or may not produce a sale. Every contact, however, can provide a new relationship for the future.

Read Bonnie's entire article Learning The Skills To Be An Extra-Ordinary Connector

Bonnie Ross-Parker, our official Networking Expert

Unfaithful Men: Why Unfaithful Men Fall for the Fantasy of Infidelity

Some men are unfaithful because they crave intimacy and cannot find it. Others simply lack self-control, ethics and good sense. Ironically, many men tend to use sex as a getaway route from their problems. Unless men can learn to communicate their needs verbally, instead of sexually, the charge of infidelity, which causes about 20 percent of marriage breakdowns, seems likely to continue according to recent findings from the website morphogenesis.

Selfishness is also another very big indicator of the level of devotion of a man. A selfish person does not care about the feeling of others and that behavior is displayed in an unfaithful situation. Selfish behavior stems back from early adolescent days, when selfishness is thought be developed.

Read Stephany's entire article Unfaithful Men: Why Unfaithful Men Fall for the Fantasy of Infidelity

Stephany Alexander, our official Dating & Romance Expert

Relationship Vows

Over forty years as a marriage and family therapist, I have had the privilege of learning from my clients. I have had the opportunity to observe and study what makes lasting love. The below list identifies the kind of vows and commitment statements that lead to happy and lasting unions.

* We will provide safety to be honest and true to ourselves

* We will choose love instead of fear and attack thoughts

* We will treasure our connection and maintain an open heart to one another

* We will treasure our children and grandchildren

* We will be there when our family needs us

Read Dr. Miles entire article Relationship Vows

Dr. Linda Miles, our official Marriage & Family Therapist Expert