Is Beauty Only Skin Deep?

In "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul" by John and Stasi Eldredge, they talk about the three things a woman's heart craves:

1) To be romanced,
2) To be an indispensable part of a shared adventure,
3) To be a beauty unveiled.

While reading the section on beauty, I thought about my own perception of beauty and wondered whether it's really all that important to me.  My mind went back to childhood. I remember my father asking me, "Would you rather be the prettiest girl in the class or the smartest girl in the class?" I always answered "the smartest." My father seemed pleased with that. He valued my mind, my heart, my creativity, and my dreams. He asked my opinion and listened – really listened without seeming to have an agenda about what opinion I should or shouldn't have. He defined beauty by what was inside me instead of what I looked like on the outside.

As I grew up, I was like all young women, though. I craved to know I was attractive, that I was beautiful even on the outside. Of all the compliments my husband pays me, "you are beautiful" is the most common. Over the years, he has convinced me that -- yes, I am a bit prettier than an old bowling shoe. I have come to believe I'm pretty on the outside. But still whenever he says it, in the back of my mind, I think, "Yes, but you won't think that when I'm old, wrinkled and ugly. Then, why will you love me?"

 As I pondered this, I realized that the beauty I want unveiled isn't just my outer beauty, but my inner beauty as well. That's what I want to share with the world. That's what I crave for my husband to know, appreciate, understand ... and acknowledge. When he tells me I'm beautiful, my heart screams, "Yes, but do you see ME? The real me, beneath the skin?"

After coming to this realization, my mother's face came to mind. My mother was a stunning beauty in her youth. One day she was walking down the street in Chattanooga and a man strode up to her and broke out in song, "Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking…" She was incredible. The thing is, she's even more incredible today. Every time I see her I'm stunned at how much more beautiful she becomes. Silver haired and in her 70's, it's not the shapely figure or long tanned legs I see. It's the beauty of her soul radiating from her eyes and in her countenance that captivates me.

I remember watching the old movie, The Sins of Dorian Gray. It was about a man who never aged. He always looked young and attractive, but lurking in his closet was a portrait of himself that aged. Not only that, but his sins and misdeeds were reflected in the painting as well. The more depraved he became, the more hideous the painting became. While it never reflected on his face, the portrait became a monstrous revelation of his gross depravity.

Jesus said, "The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness." (Luke 11:34)

I believe light and darkness is quite literally reflected in our countenances – especially over time. My prayer is that one day my inner soul will be so full of light that it cannot help but be reflected in my countenance. Then, like my mother, it won't matter what the years do to my body, beauty will always be reflected in my eyes.

Comments

[Renae]

I enjoyed your article. Our modern day has distorted and disected so many things. Beauty is all encompassing. I tend to have some of the same self talk when my husband tells me I am beautiful. It doesn't serve me. I think it would be helpful for women to believe they are beautiful instead. If the gift that is given isn't received, what good is it? Marnie, I think you are beautiful in many ways, not the least being your physical apearance.

[Laurie Pergler]

Renae you said it so eloquently. We must recognize the inner and outer beauty of ourselves. God made no mistakes. He gave each of us the exact qualities in the right combination to delight the world. We must understand our qualities and embrace them as the gift they are.

[Jean Tracy, MSS]

You speak the truth, Marnie. You wrote it so simply and clearly. I wish everyone could read this.

[LaWanda Cook]

This was a beautiful article. It reflects what is truly important in terms of beauty. It reminds me of the biblical account of Vashti and Esther. Vashti, adorned with jewels, robes etc., had outer beauty , but exemplified a rebellious character. Esther, likewise, had outer beauty. However her meekness, humility and God-driven character, enhanced the outer beauty that she had. As women of God, we would all do well to work towards becoming "Esthers".
www.vashti2esther.com

[Sherry Proskine]

When this area of our life battles us, then we need to understand it is because it comes at us from the eyes of the world and not from how our Heavenly Father sees us. We are as He made us and we are all beautiful to behold. Yet, when our husband tells us we are beautiful...we doubt. That is when I ask the Lord to be, "more in me than me"...so He will shine through, lift me up and then I know it is true. Great post Marnie!

[Moms Increasing Literacy Wendy]

Thank you for this wonderful article I am reading your AMAZING book right now and it is so powerful. I love your words Marnie

[Joyce Moseley Pierce]

What a great article. Your dad is/was so smart. My dad always told me I was the prettiest little girl and while that was his way of complimenting me, as I got older, I realized I didn't really like it. I knew there was more to ME than just a cute little girl in a pretty dress! He never really knew what was going on inside, and unfortunately, died before I grew into the person I am today. You are very fortunate to have your dad. Give him a hug!

[Jan Verhoeff]

Marnie, what an incredible bit of wisdom you shared in this article. It's difficult not to personalize such an intensely personal subject - so I did. ;) I've never been the "pretty one" in my own mind, but I've found as I age, I feel prettier. More often, I'm told how pretty I am --- which means that people are seeing the real me inside, not the pretty young girl on the surface. The lines and wrinkles I've earned have experience, love and laughter in them according to my best friends. What an incredible understanding of humanity and the gifts we're given. Beauty is more than skin deep, and is revealed through the eyes. Thank you!

[Nthabiseng Matakane]

Thanx marnie for your article to us woman beauty means everything but it doesnt always matter though we are not aware that what counts is inside than outside. It is nothing wrong when one keeps beauty just we can not be deceived by it

[Pst David Okoro]

your thoughts are right and your reasons presented logically and vividly.

[faith]

i agree. and yes, i do want to have this kind of beauty to be seen and appreciated, not because of who i am but because of who HE is in my life. God bless you Marnie. :)

[Cindy Grass]

I am so grateful you wrote this. I'm 55 yrs old and I've been seeing that I want to share who I am in Christ much more than how I look. Thanks for sharing. I'm going to get this book